Archives: August 01, 2004

Hecklers needed

Tuesday, 31 August 2004 11:58 AM

As I mentioned over at Sticky Notes, I'll be venturing out into public this week. Thursday evening at 7pm, I'll be speaking at the Barnes & Noble in Cranberry Township, on Rt. 19 near I-79.

The event is "Your Own Words," a monthly meeting organized by the store. It's described as "a hybrid between book group, author appearance and your standard workshop." The meetings take place the first Thursday of each month, starting at 7pm.

For my part, I'll be speaking about writing for online markets, and about online publishing as a whole -- what you'd want to write for an online publication, finding publications that suit your work, tailoring your material to suit your market, and so on. I'll also talk about how online writing is similar to and different from print writing.

The event isn't listed on the B&N website, but I'm pretty sure it's still a go. And if it's not, I just might speak anyway. Do come by. I'll be answering questions about online publishing, writing, and anything else. Recommendations for web editing software, tales of the Inkburns slush pile, reminiscences of Boston nightclubs in the late 80s, suggestions for the best drinks and appetizers for Labor Day parties: It's all fair game.

You can find directions at the B&N website. I hope to see you there!

Good words elsewhere: "Synchronized Diving"

Tuesday, 31 August 2004 11:28 AM

Olympic-themed writing on the indescribable (parenthetical note): "Synchronized Diving" by Karen Ashburner:

There are books around my desk written by people with impressive sounding names and the insides of these books are filled with substantial words like Cataclysmic and Calamitous, words that sound like they could get up off the couch and kick my ass should I come in and interrupt their cartoon watching time after work. I think the words in these books could actually drink me under the table if given the chance, and maybe kick my ass in pool too. But these words are still boring because the cartoons they watch are perverse and shocking in that over-the-top, grossly violent and overtly sexual kind of way.

Economics explained in human terms

Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:49 PM

OK, a bit of the dismal science here, but it's something that highlights an important point in the current presidential election, one that many people fail to grasp: what is "comparative advantage" and how does it affect outsourcing of jobs?

Moshe The Explainer

Tuesday, 24 August 2004 09:15 PM

Should I say again how terrific the interviews at the Onion A.V. Club are, or has that become boring? This week's is with Peter Falk, whom I love most for Columbo, but also for The In-Laws (so much for this), for Murder By Death, for The Princess Bride.... And I think I love him even more for the shows and films I don't yet know about, because I can still enjoy them fresh.

Anyway, in Onion A.V.Club fashion, the interview touches upon the new video releases and book that presage the interview, but focuses on the things that any fan will drool over. For example:

I won't talk about the first play that I did, because that'll be in the book. But the second play I did—this is an indication of how huge a factor luck is in the course of an actor's career—was a huge hit. The Iceman Cometh at the Circle In The Square, directed by Jose Quintero. The lead was Jason Robards, who at that time was living in a one-room loft, barely able to pay the rent. He'd been acting for a long time, and he was just as good an actor five years prior to the opening of The Iceman Cometh, but no one knew who he was, because he'd never been in a hit. I was in New York for 10 minutes, and I got in that play. It ran for four hours, The Iceman Cometh. I was the bartender. I opened the play, and I stood there in front of the audience for four hours. It was hard to miss me. Therefore, every casting director in New York knew who I was. I had just arrived in New York! [Laughs.] Jason, in the meantime, had been there for 10 years, and they were just discovering him. So that has a lot to do with your career, when you get into a hit, if ever.

Another excerpt, this about the transition from broadcasting television live in New York to shooting in Los Angeles:

I certainly preferred the New York way. You'd rehearse on the Lower East Side, and there was always a delicatessen around the corner, and the weather was variable. Out here, it's always the same. It was a totally different lifestyle. There was something not-welcoming about going through a main gate with a guard and going into a studio and shooting. And it was a transition going from acting on a stage to acting in a studio. We were doing a television show once, and you always knew what camera was shooting, because there was a red light on. The other two actors in the scene and I almost simultaneously realized that the camera pointing at us didn't have its red light on. We knew we were either facing the wrong camera, or that the camera had suddenly gone off. So the camera in back of us, which was now on, photographed three actors turning in panic.

So much more to this interview, you must read it all.

Finding love online

Tuesday, 24 August 2004 11:00 AM

I fall in love over the Internet regularly, maybe every week. Usually it's a crush I develop based on someone's writing or opinions. These are passing flings, short-lived obsessions, wherein I'll read everything the person has written online until I'm convinced we were meant to be, that if I were to fly to whatever city the writer resides in and email them to suggest coffee, or maybe a drink, we'd meet and that would be that. Whether the writer is male or female, straight or gay, single or attached, makes no matter. It could be an intellectual love, you know, where we are just the bestest of friends and spend our time making witty remarks and sipping juleps.

But eventually the crush fades. Usually it's because I read something that shows the writer isn't quite my soul mate: maybe he is a Republican, or doesn't adore the writing of Donald E. Westlake, or thinks the later albums by R.E.M. are superior to the early ones. Sometimes I grow weary of him, his limited range of topics or his repeated references to past successes. I keep him/her on my roster of people to follow, and a few days later I find myself crushing on someone new.

I tried Internet dating for a few years, with limited success. But after exchanging hundreds of emails describing my own quirks and asking about those of others, meeting dozens of men over coffee, dating a few fellows, and again and again running eventually, inevitably out of things to say, I have sworn it off.

Only once did I find lasting love over the Internet. And that love was with a cat.

One of my lead motivations in buying a house was to have pets. Cats, dogs, gerbils, didn't matter -- some kind of critter that would run around and look at me adoringly. For the first year I had the house I travelled too much to take in a new pet, but eventually I started checking out the websites of local animal shelters. On the site of the Butler Humane Society was a photo of a pale gray tabby with pretty eyes. I cut out from work early and visited the shelter, worried that the website was out-of-date and the animals pictured on it long gone. But there she was, in a small cage in the corner of the cat room. To seal it all, she poked out a paw to grab me. I went home, bought everything a cat needs to survive, and returned the next day to find her still waiting.

And we've been together since.

So lasting love can be found over the Internet after all. You only have to know where to look.

We ain't learned our lesson yet

Friday, 20 August 2004 09:50 AM

It's Donnie Iris Day in Pittsburgh, celebrating the local rock hero whose hits include "Ah Leah!" and "The Rapper."

Incidentally, the correct Pittsburghese pronunciation is "dahw-nee ahrs." Make sure to drag out the first syllable of the first name and to smush the last name into a single syllable.

My friend James Simon, a sculptor in Pittsburgh, bears an astonishing resemblance to Donnie Iris. Iris fans sometimes insist that he's the real deal despite his protestations that he's not Donnie, and so on occasion James has signed autographs with Iris's name. I don't think he knows what the authentic signature should look like though.

Actually, when he's not wearing his Buddy Holly-style glasses, Donnie Iris is starting to look like Steven Spielberg. Or maybe Kevin Kline.

Old reliable

Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:53 PM

Others are discussing their favorite re-reads, and I'd like to chime in. I used to re-read books more often than I do now -- I've accumulated a stack of waiting-to-be-reads. Plus, there are so many movies in my NetFlix queue. (I won't even go into the movies I'd like to view again.) And then there's the boundless Inkburns slush pile: I have difficulty justifying sitting down to a couple hours of pleasure reading when I know how many writers await my response. (All the same, I need to keep current with the state of the art, don't I?)

(More after the link, plus thanks to Syntax of Things for the lead into everyone's lists.)

Nonetheless, I do re-read certain books, and here are the ones that spring to mind, in the order that they spring:

A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway
The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway
A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, David Foster Wallace (certain essays only)
Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, DFW (certain stories, notably the diving one, the famous author by the pool, and "Octet")
Naked, David Sedaris
Bird By Bird, Anne Lamott (which is, interestingly, the only Anne Lamott I've ever read)
All the King's Men, Robert Penn Warren
James Thurber short stories
Robert Benchley, anything by
A Separate Peace, John Knowles
Fight Club, Chuck Palahniak
High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
Motherless Brooklyn, Jonathan Lethem
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson
Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkein (revealing my geeky roots)

The criterion for this list is that I have read each item at least three times in my recollection. Some I've read more: I think I've read All the King's Men five times. (Does five count as a lot? It's a long book, but then again some people re-read favorite books once per year, every year. I wouldn't like that, because I want to give myself time to grow between readings, to view the book with new eyes, see elements that escaped me previously.)

Of course I'm forgetting some books: I'm looking at my current bookcase to remember what's what, and it's weighted heavily to things I've read since moving to this house. Which makes me want to reorganize everything and see what I've never unpacked (soon to happen anyway! thanks to the miracle of home improvement, as described previously on this site).

Other books to which I refer, when I'm stuck on a bit of writing or want to remember how writing is properly done, include the above plus:

Sam the Cat and Other Stories, Matthew Klam
Julian Barnes, anything by
sections of Infinite Jest, DFW (My three key passages: the opening ("I am in here."), the face in the floor, and the Irish guy at AA talking about having his first solid bowel movement in memory. And may I point out how hard it is to find a desired key passage in a 1000+ page book in which events happen in an unclear order?)
Elmore Leonard, anything by (I think his dialogue is unbeatable, as is his ability to describe people through others' eyes, and to capture the electricity between individuals.)
Raymond Chandler, all of
Birds of America, Lorrie Moore

The dark side of home improvement

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 09:05 PM

It all starts with buying one very funky thing. Once it's in your house, everything else that is not sufficiently funky starts to nag at you, wanting to be replaced. You then replace them, one by one or in big groups, until everything reaches or exceeds the level of funkiness set by the first thing.

I had planned only to fix the broken things in the house: renovate the nasty bathroom, paint the walls, organize the closets, replace the furnace. My first funky thing was the chartreuse paint in the kitchen. It made all the colors I'd planned for the rest of the house seem dull and uninspired. So, I started picking brighter and odder shades, most noticeably Chinese Red for the dining room. I haven't yet finished all the rooms but already each morning when I wake up, I feel I'm living in a box of Crayola crayons.

Then the old furniture seemed staid, so I bought new couches -- not couches even, but settees, and an armless chair. Then a lamp. Then another lamp. Then the shelves looked all wrong, so new shelves are now on their way.

Then I bought and installed this lamp. (Not at that price.) And with that lamp I transitioned into a whole other realm of home decor. I've nearly run out of rooms to update, and I've definitely run out of money. And I've only now happened upon the look I want.

Incidentally, also on that Design Within Reach website (they call it Design Within
Reach but perhaps it should be Design Several Steps Outside Of Your Budget) are these nifty rug squares I'm going to use for an area rug. You buy a bunch in coordinating colors, and then you can arrange and rearrange them as needed, in a grid. It's ideal for people with children or pets (or messy friends, or messy selves), because if a square gets stained you can replace it without replacing the whole rug/carpet. The manufacturer has even more colors and styles.

I bought a couple to check them out, and promptly spilled dirt and water from a plant all over the lightest colored ones. The care guide said to rinse them out under the faucet and soak up the water, and sure enough they're clean again. Very space age. Can't wait for the first time one of my cats throws up on one of them.

Trouble Is My Business

Monday, 09 August 2004 11:54 PM

Continuing to be occupied with other projects -- generating income or immediately and vexingly spending what little capital I can acquire -- I point the hopeful site visitor to the sites listed to the right.

In particular, please visit Syntax of Things, who despite now and then claiming the need for a mental health morning still manages to publish many diverting entries and highlight worthwhile events. To wit: a bit about the potential expansion/distortion of Raymond Chandler's last home.

Explaining my links: Girls Are Pretty

Thursday, 05 August 2004 06:37 PM

In "Explaining My Links," I briefly note the charms that draw me to sites that I list in the blogroll (to the right) but rarely link to in posts. Today's winning entry: Girls Are Pretty.

It's a non-standard blog, posting brief fictional bits on weekdays. The bits are often odd, sometimes stupid, occasionally perfect, often funny, usually unforgettable. For example: Wednesday, July 21, 2004, Trapped Under Boxes Day! (Due to a linking glitch, you'll have to scroll down to find the right entry.)

Today, you're stuck underneath some boxes. You tried to get to the box in the middle of the pile because you were pretty sure that the picture of your sweet little mother was in that box and you wanted to talk to it. But when you pulled that box out, your entire pile of boxes tumbled atop your head and pinned you to the ground.

You can't breathe deep enough to shout for help. And you can't talk to your mother's picture anymore because every time you look into those eyes you can hear her shouting that you should turn yourself into the police for being gay. There is nothing to eat or drink and you have no friends who might stop by to find out why you won't return any calls because, while you have a handful of friends, you only get a call for the group invites. Outside of those, all responsibility for staying in touch with your friends lands in your lap. You don't talk to your neighbors either. There is a very good chance you're going to die.

But you've still got one chance left. Nineteen feet away from you, way up on the wall, is a small red button that opens the garage door. Within your reach is a toy bow and arrow from when you were a kid. You have only one arm free. If you can pull the bow with your teeth and shoot the arrow at that button, the door will open and some of the boxes will tumble out, lessening the weight above you and opening the door to the rubble so someone might poke his nose in to see what happened.

There's more to it, so go see.

If you hum a few bars I can fake it

Thursday, 05 August 2004 10:43 AM

Still no time for proper entries -- although the good news is that I'm able to get my head slightly above water enough to at least see the shore.

Here's a pleasant diversion while I'm gone: What Kind of Elitist Are You?

Your CD collection is almost as big as your ego,
and you can most likely play an instrument or
three. You're a real hit at parties, but you're
SO above karaoke.
What people love: You're instant entertainment.
Unless you play the oboe.
What people hate: Your tendency to sing louder than
the radio and compare everything to a freaking
song.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Not too far from the mark except for the singing thing: I despise my own vocal stylings more than anyone else could.

(Many link thanks to Syntax of Things, who says he's a book and language snob but I bet could pass for any of the other categories as well.)

I've always liked marzipan

Monday, 02 August 2004 06:20 PM

Blogging remains curtailed until I catch up on client work and overdue Inkburns items. Whilst I'm gone, please amuse yourself with the winners of the P22 Pangram Contest. Every one is delightful. For example:

Joey questioned a wax museum about having his likeness crafted in marzipan.

Copyright © 2004 – 2007 Cynthia Closkey